The List
by S. Ivanov
Summary: Iggy and Ella create a list of ‘10 ways to irritate Max’ and blackmail Fang into doing the things on the list. FAXNESS!
1. Prologue

**Summary: Iggy and Ella create a list of '10 ways Fang can irritate Max' and blackmail Fang into doing the things on the list.**

**Rated for: Language and suggestive themes.**

**Disclaimer: In no way, in no universe, on no planet do I own Maximum Ride and the characters.**

**Note: The entire story is from Fangs POV.**

**Enjoy **

**-------------------------------------**

Prologue

Ever had those moments where you would give absolutely _anything_ to go back in time, just a little? Yeah? Well unfortunately, no matter how hard you try to undo something, it never works. I knew that. I knew I'd regret opening my mouth at the wrong time.

Alright, maybe I should start from the beginning.

Basically, I said something I really shouldn't have and now Iggy and Ella are blackmailing me. If I back out, not only are they going to tell the flock (and Max's mom and dad) what I had said, but they're going to alter it a bit to make it worse. I suppose I could deny it, but who do you think they would rather believe; Sweet, perfect Ella and poor blind Iggy or dark, mysterious Fang? Yeah, I thought so…

So anyway, they're blackmailing me into annoying Max. Usually, I'd enjoy that, but wait 'til you hear what they want me to do, and I've got to do _all _of them:

'**1. Back her up against a wall, put your face close to hers and remind her about the beach and/or the bat cave.' **Apparently Gazzy told Iggy about the beach incident, but how the hell did they know about what happened the cave?!

'**2. Tell Jeb about the kiss(es) and blame it on Max when she's in the room.' **I am _not_ going to make it through this unharmed.

'**3. Refer to her as "Baby" "Sweetheart" "Honey" etc…'**

'**4. Carve "M" and "F" into a nearby tree and border the letters with a heart.' **That's… not so bad…

'**5. Gush over her and kiss her on the cheek as often as possible.'**

'**6. Stare at her for a while, then tell her that she's got the most beautiful eyes ever and that anyone could get lost in them.'**

'**7. When alone with her, smirk, growl at her, give her a sexy look and tell her, "I'm about to make you the happiest girl on the planet!"'**

'**8. Remind her that Angel sees you two as parent figures and that just **_**proves**_** that you were meant to be together.'**

'**9. Wet your hair, take your shirt off and deliberately bump into Max. Look at her, grin and lick your lips.'**

'**10. Announce, in front of everyone (including Jeb and Dr. M), that in ten years, Max is going to be Mrs. Fang.' **Are these two trying to kill me?! If I don't die of embarrassment then Max is going to kill me and if Max doesn't kill me, Jeb is going to kill me… either way, I lose.

I sighed. Alright, let the humiliation begin.

--------------------------------------------

**You like?**

**Spelling wise, I try my best **

**Please R&R**


	2. Authors Note

Just a quick authors note before I officially begin.

First of all, updates will be slow. If I try to rush it, it'll come out badly. So please don't kill me :P

Okay, 36 reviews are a bit much to reply to all of them so, I'll pick a few:

**Clyde x – My first Reviewer! Thank you :D**

**Anonymouse13 – The list was created to embarrass both Max and Fang and **_**nothing**_** would embarrass them more than something romantic.**

**Insane Winged Girl – The list is with Fang. So there's **_**no way**_** Max can get her hands on it XD**

**KiKi144327 – You'll find out some other time. Possibly in the last chapter.**

**edPod – I'm going to do 2 things in one chapter (does that make sense?).**

**To anyone who said they liked no. 7 and 9 – I'm going to work extra hard on those as they are my favorites (along with 2 and 10)**

So the next update will _possibly_ be on the weekend, though I'm not promising anything.

Keep reviewing (it's doing a lot for my confidence :P)


	3. It begins

**Finally, chapter one complete!**

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

**Livylooloo: I'll see if I can fit that in somewhere.**

**nadia the demented one: What?**

**Note: I refer to Max as a Batchelder in this chapter, so don't get confused :P**

**Disclaimer: Blah blah blah I don't own Maximum Ride blah blah blah…**

------------------------------------------

Chapter 1

Ella and Iggy are _evil_! I tried negotiating with them to make it easier on me, but instead of helping me out, they gave me rules! First of all, I have five days to complete the list. _Five days_! Secondly, if Max _does_ try to attack me, I have to be absolutely positive that she's murderous before I run (or fly or… whatever). And thirdly, I have to give them a full, detailed report about how it went down – what I did and how Max reacted to it.

I'll say it again: _Evil_.

Anyway, I_ tried_ to do the first point on the list (and I stress the word _'tried'_) but it didn't work out too well. Let's just say… Max now has a concussion from hitting her head against the wall… well, actually from me pushing her against the wall. She also thinks I've gone totally crazy after I stared at her, gapping like I had seen a ghost, for a few minutes. Then her face turned crimson when Gazzy and Angel walked passed us. And I was still stupid enough to whisper, "Remind her about what happened at the beach and, or the bat cave…" momentarily forgetting that Max was standing in breathing distance away from me. Oh, and _I _now have a concussion, too, courtesy of Maximum Ride.

Rule number 1: _Never_ accidentally say something embarrassing in front of Max. Unless you have an insane desire to get a concussion.

So, yeah, the first one didn't go very well. As for the second one…

It was after dinner. Everyone (i.e. the Flock, Ella and Total) were, yet again, fighting over what movie we were going to watch on the one T.V that we have in the house. Eventually, we were outvoted by Nudge, Ella and Angel and we were forced to watch 'Lovewrecked'. Half way during the movie, just as I was falling asleep, Max's dad pulled in and I felt my heart leap into my throat, suddenly remembering the list. After greeting us, he walked into the kitchen and Max followed behind, claiming that she's "going to see if he needs anything", but I think it was just an excuse to get away from the movie. Hey, if she could do it, why couldn't I? I got up, only to be stopped by Nudge.

"Where you going? The movie's not over yet. You're not trying to get away from it are you? C'mon, Fang, it wouldn't kill you to watch a chick flick right 'til the end, I mean-"

"No, Nudge, I asked him to get something for me from the kitchen." Ella flashed a grin at me.

A part of me wanted to throw rose petals at her and thank her over and over. Shutting Nudge up _and_ getting me away from the movie was an incredible accomplishment. Then again, she only did that so I could embarrass myself and be killed (alright, _injured_) by the two Batchelders. How nice, Ella…

I walked into the kitchen slowly, this time going over exactly what I was going to do. I would tell Jeb subtly and quietly, then tell him that it was Max's fault, without her even hearing. They never said that Max had to _hear_ me blaming her for the kisses. Brilliant!

I slid into the kitchen to find Max and Jeb talking about something while Max was looking for a snack and Jeb was getting a glass of water. The conversation seemed to have ended as I took a few steps toward them. Some people are so secretive…

Ignoring the fact that they obviously didn't want me there, I walked up to Jeb, who was now sipping on that water that he had just gotten. He gave me a suspicious look, before looking up and smiling at me.

"Something the matter, Fang?"

"Uh…" I moved closer to him and spoke quietly, "it's about Max and… me. We, uh…" Oh God, this was proving to be harder than I thought, "we…"

I heard Max giggle and I realized I had been talking (if you can call that 'talking') kind of loudly. She looked at me, grinning, "I have _never_ heard you stutter like that before. What's wrong? Did the great Fang do something wrong?"

I opened my mouth, ready to snap back at the blond haired, pink streaked, bittersweet girl, but decided to shut it and turned back to Jeb. I gulped and took a deep breath, then whispered, "Max and I… we kissed a while ago."

I could see the anger creeping onto his face, "You kissed her?"

Suddenly, Max's head shot up and the smile on her face faded quickly. I glanced at her then at Jeb then back at Max, deciding when I should say something. After another glance, I saw the pure hatred on Jeb's face and realized I'd been waiting long enough.

With another deep breath, I pointed to Max, "It was her fault! I swear, _she _kissed _me_!" That wasn't a lie, come to think of it…

Max's face turned bright red and I could almost see the steam coming out of her ears. I'm not sure whether she was angry or embarrassed. None the less, she wasn't going to take that lying down, "What?! That was once! What about at the cave?!"

"The cave?" Jeb had calmed down a little, but still had anger in his voice.

Max paused, then smirked, "Yes, Dad. Fang kissed me in a bat cave a few weeks ago and then he tried to kiss me again, but I flew away from him." She turned to me, "How could you?!"

Oh, crap! She was using this against me. Why didn't I see that coming? Max's father looked at me with a look that screamed 'murder'.

Okay, time for some mental debating: The rules said that only if _Max_ is murderous then I can run. They never said I could or couldn't run if someone else was trying to kill me. So should I run or not? I doubt Jeb would kill one of his experiments. Then again, he'd probably want to protect his daughter more than he'd want to protect a specimen. And Max wouldn't _really_ let him kill me, would she? I don't think so, but still, this _is_ unpredictable Max we're talking about.

All of that went through my head in less than a second.

I finally decided I that I definitely was _not_ going to lose this fight. So I took yet another deep breath, "I was injured when Max kissed me on the beach." I tried to sound very pitiful, like an innocent little kid, "I was helpless. She tried to take advantage of me!"

Max glared at me with her infamous 'Death Glare', turning even brighter red in the process and I took that as my cue to get out of there.

Rule number 2: _Never_ mess with Max or her father. They both seem to have some sort of _killer_ instinct…

Well… those two didn't turn out too bad, so maybe the other 8 won't be as bad as I think they will (maybe if I keep telling myself that, it will come true) or maybe not. Still, embarrassing Max like that was fun, I wouldn't mind doing it again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a concussion I need to heal from.

-----------------------------------------

**I know that chapter wasn't very funny, but it'll get better, I promise.**

**R&R please :D**


End file.
